Relationship Advice Online

The internal confusion, insult, pain of not come true expectations, confusion - these feelings feels the woman who has problems with the husband. Is it better to get divorced or try to keep a family? Who will help to make the right decision: girlfriends, the psychologist, mum?

It would be good to have such house expert on all questions of psychological compatibility, who would give out ready recipes and said verdicts. Should you live with this person or not? Should you get divorced or wait a little more? Should you suffer or blow up? We are in lack of such assistants!

Often we address for council to Internet forums. To tell everything before an unfamiliar audience, at times it is represented a unique exit. And however, strangely enough, we listen only to those councils, which would like to hear. As if we verify fidelity of own conclusions, which have ripened in subconsciousness about a current life.

Readiness to make the decision independently and to bear responsibility for it - here is the main way to avoid an error. When the person is ready to responsibility for him/herself and even for the children, then any decision will be perceived by him/her not as a fatal error or unique panacea from all troubles, and is simple as the life continuation, one of its variants.

Very many our sufferings and sincere experiences is the result from desire to stop time, not to change the life. It seems to us that habitual and stable existence - protection against vital storms. But storms are only one more side of eternally changing life; you just should accept them. And to do something with it!

Sometimes it seems that people perceive divorce, as a last way to correct the situation, to that they have got. Probably, it should be like this. Because it is all the same not the simple choice of a dress, and a consequence of the wrong decision can be much more tragic: at times divorces break not only families, but also whole destinies.

But, on the other hand, wrong decisions do not exist, as do not happen correct and wrong marriages. Any choice results you in a new point of life where also it is necessary to do something and even if you thus do nothing it is also movement. Only here is a question - in what side.

To understand, what decision you should make, it is necessary to think of two main points:

1. Why do I do it? (What I don’t like, what is bad, what it would be desirable to change?)

2. What for do I do it? (What is my ultimate goal, what I wish to achieve as a result?)

Psychologists advise to reveal true motives of the desires so: write on a sheet of paper 5 purposes: what for do you do it, for the sake of what? Subconsciousness is arranged so that point number 4 will tell about your true purpose.

The most important thing in a similar situation is to address to yourself, to the vital values. How much relations with the husband do satisfy your personal needs?

Very often at decision-making on divorce the financial question becomes the main question. Many couples face to a dilemma: a comfortable life or an emotional stability and a peace of mind?

Here again there are two variants - the woman either should become independent and responsible for the life (if she depended on the husband), including financially, and prefers to build relations based on love and sincerity, as she is independent, or the woman chooses material welfare, comfort, but compels herself to adapt, suffer, and also loses a huge layer of an emotional life.

You have only one life and you should live it for yourself. Therefore only you should choose what is the right decision for you. I hope you will make good choice. Good luck!

It is almost impossible to avoid the cases when you face the how to get your ex back situation. The biggest problem here is that people think too seriously about how to get your ex back, instead of putting this whole situation in another way. It is not about how to get your ex back, really. It is about how to make it interesting again.

How is to understand that your marriage could break soon?

Once you suddenly understand that everything is hopelessly spoilt, and to come back in a magic condition of elation and admiration it is more and more difficult. As if some veil falls down suddenly from eyes, and you start to see that, on what you closed your eyes before.

Is it inevitable, and the disappointment is natural? Is it impossible to live in an equal condition of the complacent relation to the person? What is the matter? What happened? When does come this moment, and if it really inevitably comes? Is necessary to keep relations, which do not have future, to struggle up to the end?

Here it is impossible just to guess. You should only go through it. And however, in any case, do not panic!

It is not necessary to run into despair at once, because boring is a natural process. You cannot be in the same equal condition all life long. You are changed, everything changes around you, and it is necessary to be ready to it. Besides, as psychologists confirm, the real feeling passes some stages of development in which the warmth periods are replaced by the cooling periods.

Perhaps, you have simply got tired from each other, sometimes people get tired of very close relations. Allow to yourself to have a rest from affinity, remove for a while on safe distance, and reflect on topic whether it is necessary for you to be together. Some people already after some days run to each other and their relations become even better then before. Others need months and even years to understand what they really need.

Be realistic!

Remember that disappointments inevitably pursue the one, who is not able to look objectively at a reality and puts on pink glasses always when it is convenient to him/her, without wishing to notice obvious things.

In this case there is one exit - to see what is actually, instead of what you would like to see. You should love not the future man. Not the one whom he could become under certain conditions or his ideal image, and the one, whom you have now. Or do not love at all.

If your man is lazy, silly, greedy, if he is inattentive to you, is rough, indifferent to your problems, do not dream that some time he suddenly on magic, will change and becomes hardworking, clever, generous, tender, polite, will grow fond and will estimate you. Most likely, it will not occur. Do not think about it, even from the best promptings. The disappointment can be awful. And a situation, which seems was under your control, suddenly will become irreversible and then it will be very problematic to be pulled out from a vicious circle, which you have outlined to yourself.

Many families hang by a thread of inevitability (children, habitation, work…). Once in a youth it was possible to change this situation, and the life would go to other channel.

But all this is not about you, of course. You do not communicate with unworthy people, your spouse - positive and remarkable. But the annoying condition of a dissatisfaction and disappointment has arisen nevertheless. And you plunge into intense thoughtfulness, trying to understand what it is: the end of relations or time of difficulties.

If you don’t like to break off relations, to change a way of life, but relations do not satisfy you – what is to do? You should understand why you are together with your partner – I am sure it is not accidentally! You should speak to each other; discuss your problems together. This will help you to make your relations better and to save your family.

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Remember, that a situation with how to get your ex back question is not the end of everything. You simply need to know where exactly to find the answer and what to do about it.

1. Understand position of each other.

Every person looks at matters in dispute a little from other point of view.

For example, the husband was late for a supper, and eats without appetite. He is tired, nervous, concentrated at his thoughts, leaves not eaten up supper. The offended wife goes to other room, between spouses accrues pressure. The wife thinks that the husband is inattentive in relation to her, and he does not guess that the wife wished to make him a pleasant surprise in the form of a tasty supper in cozy conditions.

If each tries to put himself/herself to the place of other person, will try to understand a situation and partner’s feelings, will be more tolerant to him/her and will find a correct way out, all these will allow to avoid conflicts.

2. Do not quarrel!

Destructive quarrel does not solve the arisen problem, and only strengthens intensity and feeling of injustice. The principle “not to quarrel” at all does not assume complete silence – tactically it means “to be above quarrel”, to participate in conversation, but thus not to contradict what the partner speaks. If we start to object the partner, repeating “you are not right”, “it is your fault”, we as though let to him know that he is silly or bad, and we are better: nobody will like it. Thereby we only hinder acceptance of our opinion even if it is correct.

3. Smile more often!

Affable smile is opposite to the conflict. In the presence of good-natured smiling person at others vanishes the desire to argue and quarrel, more often it arises so benevolent relation. The mood is easily transmitted. If you smile to the partner you can be assured, that he will answer you with a smile. Affability and goodwill of one person cause similar response in other, removing stress.

4. You should trust to each other, but do not forget that words it is only a method to sweetheart, to trust words it is a direct way to nowhere. To keep the man it is possible only without keeping him. Show the force, do not be afraid to lose him. Do not let him know that all your world is built round him and that your beloved man is the Universe center. As soon as he understands that the woman is ready on everything for the sake of love, that cannot live without partner – you will get the boomerang effect and you already passed through it. Therefore the word Secret should become your second name. To solve the woman to the end is the main conditioned reflex of each man. And while he will not solve it, you will be interesting to him and everything that is connected with you. And it is the best stimulus for positive development of relations and maintenance in them passions.

In the woman always there should be a riddle. Until you have it - the man will try to solve it, this woman will always be interesting to him. And those acts on which he can go for the sake of the decision of this rebus, will surprise you very much.

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Remember, that a situation with how to get your ex back question is not the end of everything. You simply need to know how and where to find the answer and what to do about it.

Before to learn, how to keep the man after separation, it is necessary to understand the reason because of which he left. The reason, as a rule, happens not one, and in the sum total. It seems that she is intelligent, beautiful, also cook excellently, and in bed is very passionate, but he has left.

Why? First, because the feeling of novelty is inherent in all people. Secondly, women are guilty. Yes, we are women. The most important thing about what we forget:

• The man is the hunter. In him it is developed at genetic level with centuries, and to wave away from his congenital thirst of hunting is impossible, how it would be desirable. You will not trample against the nature. Therefore, as soon as men lose interest, they subconsciously and without realizing, start to search for new object.

Remained without the beloved person after separation, but wishing to return him, it is necessary to choose correct tactics of behavior. First, it is necessary to take yourself in hands and not to be limited in communication with people, being locked deeply in a soul to reflect on the hard destiny. On the contrary, the company of relatives, native to heart people will help to bring thoughts and emotions in norm faster. It is necessary to overcome a sleeplessness, previously having had a good cry, depressions lead to nervous breakdowns, and men are frightened off by hysteric women. At all do not revenge your ex partner. If he and only he is guilty in your rupture, do not revenge all the same, as though it was not difficult to be kept from it. Let in that case heats thought that all harm comes back a boomerang and the life will punish him, without your help. It is very important to understand, if you wish to return and keep him after separation.

After you were teased, have suffered, have slept, have cleaned sacks under eyes from long tears, prepare for struggle for returning the man.

Appearance - the first, on what pays attention the person, especially the man. Recollect, how you looked in the beginning of yours with him relations, what was pleasant to him most of all. Your problem not only in returning that image, but also in making it much more brightly and more effectively. Your man should see not simply in you that has once grown fond, after separation he should fall in love with new force. The effect is reached and you see that the man pays genuine interest to your personality? Do not hasten to rejoice. The excessive emotionality will force you to make a mistake.

• Show the force. In behavior with men it is impossible to be absolutely natural, it is necessary to learn to play a role. Especially a role for the man after separation. When he will understand that he was mistaken, thinking that completely knows you, his interest will increase even more, and most likely he will start to achieve your favor. During this period it is very important not to give in to temptation to rush to hot embraces of your partner, having forgotten bitterness of separation. Keep a distance, remain enough cold and distant, kindling him even more. Such behavior at least will hook on vanity of the man and will especially surprise, if up until that time in relations you were completely diluted in him. When you will see that your partner is ready enough, you can show the favor.

Actually to achieve returning of the man after long separation is not so difficult. It is much more difficult to keep him. Learn not to make the same mistakes. Never open completely the soul, having given in to euphoria under numerous compliments and oaths in eternal love. Good luck!

It is almost impossible to avoid the cases when you have to face the how to get your ex back situation. The biggest problem here is that people think too seriously about how to get your ex back, instead of putting this whole story in another way. This is not about how to get your ex back, really. It is about how to make it exciting again.