Relationship Advice Online

How to live in harmony.

Finding yourself in a argument with your significant other is something that happens to nearly all of us at one time or another.
There are skills you can easily learn to quell tension and find a brighter solution to your differences. Here are some of my tips for creating harmony, love & friendship within a relationship.
.
First of all it is essential to understand that all people will disagree at one time or another, it’s just part of being in a relationship. We are all different so it is only natural that there will be a conflicting opinions from time to time. Then again, if you find that you and your partner are constantly at each other then it definitely time for action.

What are you really arguing about?

Regrettably many couples find themselves arguing the majority of the time and apart from being very destructive in terms of your relationship, it also leaves you feeling tired, irate and miserable. If this sounds like you, then definitely read on.

Common Conflicts
The most frequent subjects couples quarrel about are money, sex, work, children and housework - more or less in that order.
More often than not, rows start over seemingly unimportant things however with tolerance and patience together with some basic communication skills, negotiating a compromise can become a whole lot easier. Firstly you need to consciously understand what it is that you’re really arguing about.

Unresolved Issues
It is quite universal for couples to argue over issues that have their roots the past rather than the present. For instance, feelings of rejection or betrayal in childhood can set off angry hot buttons in your partner without you realising it.
Take this simple illustration: As a youngster, Mary was made to do large loads of washing, ironing and folding cloths as a form of punishment. Now grown up and married, Mary seems to become unreasonably angry when husband John asks for a clean pressed shirt.

Taboo Subjects
Lots of couples have ‘Taboo Subjects’ that can cause flare-ups if even hinted at. This may be the mention of a past girlfriend or a forgotten anniversary. The secret here is not to bury or repress these triggers, but rather they need to be aired with your partner so that they can be put to rest for ever. Failure to extinguish these sources of combustion will almost surely mean they will flare-up again at some future time.

Read Between the Lines
Sometimes quarrels about topics such as money, sex or housework are actually only smoke-screens for deeper issues.
For example, a quarrel about housework may in truth be a cry from one partner to the other about having their value in the relationship acknowledged. And arguing about how often to have sex is generally a reflection of a deeper need for love and affection.

The Secret to Changing Your Partners Behaviour
Trying to make someone modify their behaviour is next to impossible. The very interesting thing is that changing someone’s attitude can absolutely be achieved into a more positive stance with a little skill & encouragement. This method is so simple it’s almost creepy. Lead by example! That’s right, if you change your attitude by taking responsibility and ignoring trivial annoyances, leading by example and reacting calmly and cheerfully, you will find that in no time at all your partner will be doing the same. They can’t help it! And the really good thing is that at first they won’t recognize it is happening to them but you will be completely defusing any potential hotspots and at the same time converting your partner into an equally calm and considerate human being. In other words, you get back what you put out.

Always assume the best - at all times give your partner the benefit of the doubt. This reinforces your trust and confidence in your partner. If you do not have any evidence to the opposite, have belief in them always.
Examine yourself - why are you feeling quarrelsome? Could it be that perhaps you have underlying stressors? Do a quick self-check and ask yourself, am I overly tired, am I angry with circumstances at work, am I trying to escape something, is there a negative event coming that you don’t want to face? A quick check of your own feelings & circumstances might well assist you to feel better. If you can pin-point a reason why you’re cheesed off then you could be able to take on a more positive stance with everything else in your life.

Avoid juvenile behaviour
If a row does occur, don’t fall into the trap of sulking, being pigheaded, or worse, blaming. How do you feel when someone else is being patronizing or criticising you for an event. A real adult will approach issues calmly and look for resolutions by listening and negotiation.
Own your feelings
Only you know what’s going on in your head and you can’t expect others to read your mind. If you are feeling angry do not blame someone else for your anger. It’s your anger and you own it. When expressing your anger you might try saying: “I’m angry because…”, not “You made me angry.”

Never say never
Don’t use absolutes like “never”, “always”, “should” or “shouldn’t”. Not only are they irritating but very often inaccurate. For example, “You never take out the trash” will very likely get a sharp reaction.

Develop your communication
Improving communication is very important to keeping the peace. Often arguments go on and on, just because one or both parties feel they haven’t been heard or worse, they haven’t won the fight yet.
Follow my tips below and you will be surprised just how much better your relationship becomes and how much your overall wellbeing will improve.

Pay attention
A clever man once said to me, “Glen, you have two ears and only one mouth so try to do two times as much listening as you do talking”. Communication means it’s a ‘two-way’ encounter so don’t forget to listen to your partner’s point of view. The correct balance is talk-then-listen for more information …talk-then-listen.

Explore
Make sure you really understand what your partner is saying by asking questions. Try to keep an open mind so you can explore the argument from both viewpoints.

Explain
This is the flip side of exploring. Be prepared to give as much information as your partner needs to identify with your point of view. Once again, don’t expect them to read your mind.

Empathise
‘The act of understanding and entering into another’s feelings’ Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Feel what they’re feeling and let them know you’ve taken notice, e.g. “I identify with what you’re saying and understand that you’re feeling upset.”

Express
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be clear and to the point so that there is no chance of misinterpretations. Stay on the issue.

Stick to the problem at hand
Don’t lead into previous misdemeanours or other things you’ve been meaning to say. Scoring brownie points will only deepen the argument.

Agree to disagree
Not all battles need a winner and a loser. Sometimes agreeing to disagree can save a lot of energy and irritation.

Laugh
Always try to find a lighter side of an argument. If there’s humour somewhere to be found then don’t be afraid to use it as a great diffusing device. Just make sure that the joke is not at the detriment of your partner.

Use code-words
Another great tool for diffusing arguments is to agree on a code-word to use when either of you feel things are getting a bit intense or you’re just going round in circles. Before you start again, take some time out so you can both review your thoughts in a calm mode.
Remember, who wins the quarrel is irrelevant if your relationship loses something. Always try to tackle the issue - not each other.
Learn more about Sex and Relationships by visiting Glen’s web site. Glen Dene is a foremost specialist in the field of general men’s sexual health and safe, medically authorized penis enlargement techniques.

If there’s violence
Violence or threats of violence are never acceptable in a relationship and should not be tolerated under any circumstances. If arguments are always hostile, or you fear your partner, you need support. In the first instance you can call your Medical Professional for advice.

Grab helpful hints for scam free dating - welcome to your individual knowledge base.